“I live proudly in a body of my own design. I defend my right to be complex.”- Leslie Feinberg, Trans Author and Activist

I have never been a huge fan of biopics. So, it took me a long amount of contemplation to decide whether I wanted to watch this sojourn of a transgender woman who, in 2009, was the first Japanese contestant to win the Miss International Transgender Queen. The pageant exists, although I’m not sure if it is as popular as its counterparts where women battle for fame and recognition. The same can be said for transgender women. Only for them, accepting their identity itself is a life-long struggle. “This Is I” portrays those struggles, trauma, humiliation and determination to live in a body of their choice. Even though no one accepts their feminine identity easily, their battles are no less than others. This movie is a musical documentary. At times, it has a distinct Disney-like feel with the protagonist chasing after her dreams. “This Is I” depicts the life of two different pioneers, Haruna Ai and Dr Wada Koji; each made distinct contributions to the transgender world in their own ways!

The Storyline

Based on Haruna Ai’s autobiography What a Wonderful Life! (2009), and Wada Koji and Fukamachi Kumiko’s memoir ペニスカッター―性同一性障害を救った医師の物語 (2019, lit. “Penis Cutter: The Story of a Doctor Who Saved a Patient with Gender Dysphoria”), the story follows the life of Haruna Ai, a Japanese transgender TV personality and Dr. Wada Koji who performed her gender-affirming surgery.

The movie opens with Kenji Onishi’s colorful renditions as a bubbly child. As he grows up, he is condemned by both his teachers and friends for acting like a lady boy. He questions his self-worth while contemplating his identity. That is, until he comes across a “okama” night club operated by the strict Aki (Nakamura Ataru). Finding similar kindred souls at the nightclub gives Kenji the courage to accept his identity. At the same time, he meets Dr. Wada Koji (Saitoh Takumi), a doctor burdened by the anguish of having failed to save a patient in the past. Aki gives Kenji a new stage name, Ai (Mochizuki Haruki) and allows her to perform at her nightclub. During one such performance, Ai meets Wada who is left awestruck by her singing. As they get better acquainted, Wada shows the kind of acceptance that Ai has craved all her life. She comes out to her father and then moves in with her boyfriend, Takuya (Yoshimura Kaito), a male performer at the club. They are happy together but face problems while being intimate. Ai pleads for Wada to perform a gender-affirming surgery. It is an unprecedented act in those days and the operation isn’t authorized by the government. Despite the risk that Ai might never wake up from the surgery and his license might get canceled, Wada accepts her plea because he doesn’t want Ai to live in a body that doesn’t conform to her identity. The surgery is successful and Wada becomes popular in the transgender community. There are lines of individuals coming to him for their gender-affirming surgery. Ai and Takuya have a pleasant sex life and he takes her to meet his parents. Unfortunately, they ask Ai to break up with Takuya because she can’t have kids. She accepts their request and shifts to Tokyo to pursue her dream of becoming an idol.

During one of his surgeries, a patient dies and Wada is unfairly accused by the detectives conducting the investigation. He tries his best to prove that it wasn’t his mistake, but in the end, he passes away in anguish. Ai is left heartbroken, but she decides to participate in the 2009 Miss International Transgender Queen. With her striking performance, she won the crown!!

Is it a Worthwhile Watch

“This Is I” has a humane touch that is indescribable and yet it is quite dreamy!!

Mochizuki Haruki’s inhabits Ai’s need for gender-conforming identity as an instinct, a chance for survival. Everything from his diction to body language embodies Ai’s transition from a confused teenager to a blooming transgender, who is confident and beautiful. Saitoh Takumi renders his voice and efforts to depict Dr. Wada Koji’s earnest attempts to help the transgender community. He performed 600 surgeries before his death. His life-long work involved helping those lost souls seek solace and peace. Despite being restricted by law, Dr. Koji did his utmost to understand their struggles & provide them with medical aid.

“This Is I” might not be for everyone, but it is deeply empathetic to the transgender community!!

Rating- 3.5 out of 5

Streaming on- Netflix