“Freedom is irrelevant. Self-determination is irrelevant. You must adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.” – Borg Quote from Star Trek

Oh, how I wish the Borg (if you understand this reference from Star Trek) had actually invaded Earth BEFORE the making of this disaster. If they had, none of us would have been subjected to seeing this crime against BL humanity. We would have been ‘absorbed’ into a blissful reality of functioning cyborgs. Or more realistically, they should have never released this, so we could have taken the Sy-Fy fantasy of opening an alien bakery to our graves – tucked away in the recesses of our individual imaginations and dream-like muses. Instead, what we got was a complete mess—bad in nearly every possible way.

I refuse to sugar-coat any pretense about this series. It is one of the worst I have ever seen. Hands down. Period. Not only in terms of storytelling and script, but also in acting, directing, and production. It has one of the most nonsensical stories I have ever seen. It had no point. The plot was witless, illogical, and utterly stupid. I could not simulate what was happening at all. Characters were fluently speaking Thai, Korean, and English with everyone all around them understanding and interchangeably responding in any of the three languages (without a universal translator). Which meant that either everyone was an alien or all had fantastic language skills. Totally unreasonable and fallacious. I also could not follow who was doing what to whom and, more importantly, why. None of the characters were at all relatable. I am not sure if there was any direction provided – just a concept. Everyone seems to be ‘winging’ their parts. It was the most helter-skelter series I have ever seen.

A spaceship crash lands on Earth in the front of a bakery. Wooju (Barcode Tinnasit) is the owner of the bakery who is trying to reopen his father’s old bakery. His baking skills, however, are non-existent because he can neither taste nor smell, suffering from the effects of long-Covid. Therefore, Wooju is unable to bake his signature bread with adroitness. The two aliens emerge from the craft and communicate by thrashing around spontaneously with what looks like ‘dancing’. One of them is supposedly a prince named Raon (Jeff Satur) and his faithful canine servant named Hachi (Jason Lee). Hachi could also shape-shift into a stuffed animal but behaved more like a dog yet had all the characteristics of being human. He acted more like a quasi-bodyguard and companion. All I know is that both danced around at the most absurd times, which seems to get them out of troubled situations. That oddity is a characteristic of their species on their planet.

The horror of horrors is that there are aliens swarming all over our planet who are going to do something to us, but I could never quite understand exactly what they were going to do. Most, if not all, were dastardly people out to either profit (but I am not sure as their form of money was useless here) by taking things from this planet or using us for nefarious reasons. Oh my! But all that is unimportant.

We find out that Raon really came to Earth to find Wooju’s father, who was his mentor and friend on the planet Kaunclion. He was a baker there who taught Raon how to bake as well. But he had to escape and fled to Earth. So, in essence, Wooju is partially alien himself. In addition, Raon was also trying to evade the arranged marriage with the Princess, who is really a Prince (Baek Seung Woo). Genders are not defined by sex but by prettiness. He also does not want to marry Raon, as he is not his type. Immediately upon meeting Wooju’s brother, Woo Hyuk (Do Yoon Kim), who is a police officer, the Princess has a penchant for him. He follows him around everywhere as if somehow that is normal or a standard operating procedure for a civilian to cling to a police officer where he goes.

Seriously, there are not enough adjectives to describe how terrible this series is. I am guessing this was supposed to be a comedy, but it is overall not funny or even has much humor or fun to it. Sure, there are a few scenes that mildly made me giggle (e.g., sticking fingers in ears is a kiss) but even that was not enough to put much of a smile on my face for more than a second or two. Was this series a spoof? Or maybe nothing more than sarcasm? Perhaps it was done tongue-in-cheek, right? No, it is just bad. It looked like a clown show with costumes borrowed as hand-me-downs from a high school performance of the Wizard of Oz. There is really no coherent story. It is a jumbled mess with little thought in making the story flow with consistency.

The acting is one of the worst I have ever, ever seen. There is zero screen chemistry between Barcode and Jeff. It did not even look like they liked each other. Believing them as a ‘couple’ would require an almost impossible suspension of disbelief. There was no love connection with each other on any level. They were restrained, eremitic, distant, and even the usual stares at each other did not land very well. I never for one second believed that they had any type of romantic connection between the two of them.

Barcode attempts to play a baker were laughable. He did not even pretend to go through the motions of trying to be a baker. Even an individual who has never baked bread would be able to show more finesse in making bread. He showed not even a modicum of baking skills, and he was supposedly a baker. Jeff, trying to act like an alien, was simply awkward at best. And he looked uncomfortable. His waving of hands pretending to have some magic in his movements looked silly and overly exaggerated. They were not choreographed well at all.

The acting between these two rather seasoned performers was not even at a mediocre level. They were flatly and unequivocally uninvolved in their personifications and had no connection with who they were supposedly representing. Their acting was pedestrian. The singing number, which they should have excelled at, fell flat and sounded like a high school performance. Even that could not salvage this mess.

As one dimensional as the character Hyuk is from the beginning, he remains the same throughout. Nothing seemed to faze him. Aliens, ray guns, his brother’s meltdowns, the Princess’s overt and covert overtures towards him. Nothing. The only real character that had any kind of animation and brought some life to this lifeless series was the Princess, who seemed to act with some logic and thought towards his actions. But to say that these two have any kind of love connection was not at all credible. They barely looked at each other, let alone show any romantic undertones when they were together. It was uncomfortable watching these two perform as a ‘couple’. They did not even demonstrate the slightest sexual tension between them.

The theme of this series was not only something that I was looking forward to but was awaiting with eager anticipation, as I thought the concept of an alien involvement in a human bakery was simply fascinating. This could have gone in many unique directions, but instead it drifted into an incoherent collapse. Nothing made sense – suddenly Hachi finding dog food irresistible, someone shot in the head and living, a building is a living entity without any further explanation, having taste buds in his hands and trying to transfer that, etc.). The story has no serious plot. The premise is unfathomable and composed of a confusing medley. The production was cheap, and the editing was amateurish. The ‘special effects’ were woeful. The script was bad and written on a juvenile level. All the characters, without exception including the protagonists, ended up being caricatures.

Unquestionably, this is the worst BL and possibly up for one of the worst I have ever seen. What frustrates me most is that all of you should have known how bad this was, especially given your talents. I cannot imagine that there will be another series inferior than this one for the remainder of the year.

It does not even look like anyone tried to make this satisfying. If you did, you would have all done us a favor and simply kept this in the can, and we would have then lived with a reverie story composed entirely of what our own imagination would have made it out to be. Which would have been much, much better than this indignity.

I can only warn you. Stay away from this one. It is execrable.

Rating- 1 out of 5

Streaming on- Gagaoolala